Hooks and Hulls
by OnyxBird
Summary: Hook gets a different way to Storybrooke in the form of a transportation spell cast on his hook by a correspondence-course witch. Unsolicited help from grandmotherly strangers is not something Hook handles well. Crossover with/inspired by "Bedknobs and Broomsticks."
1. Miss Price

**Hooks and Hulls**

Crossover: _Once Upon a Time_ & _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_

**Summary: **Hook gets a different way to Storybrooke in the form of a transportation spell cast on his hook by a correspondence-course witch. Unsolicited help from grandmotherly strangers is not something Hook handles well.

**Author's note: **The Miss Eglantine Price in this story is a little different from the one portrayed in _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_. Here, she's a confident older lady more along the lines of Emily Pollifax from the Mrs. Pollifax series (who was also portrayed on film by Angela Lansbury)—a sweet, grandmotherly lady who takes on dangerous situations and characters without batting an eye (and takes shameless advantage of her harmless appearance and eccentricity to outfox anyone who gets in the way). However, as in _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_, she is a talented but inexperienced witch who is only partway through her training.

Also, in this version, Cora and Hook did not rejoin forces after Hook took Aurora's heart. Cora kept the heart, but kicked him out and used the heart to pursue the compass alone. As in the show, Cora stole back the compass from Emma and Mary Margaret and opened the portal. Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan attacked when the portal opened, recapturing the compass and Aurora's heart, and Emma and Mary Margaret jumped through the portal. Thus, Emma and Mary Margaret are back in Storybrooke, while Cora and Hook were left stranded in the Enchanted Forest (Cora doesn't have the magic bean, and Hook doesn't know about the lake that would restore it, because he wasn't with Cora).

* * *

Hook's smart mouth was going to be his undoing one day. As always, he hoped it wouldn't be today. He especially hoped it wasn't going to be at the hands of "Miss Eglantine Price." She seemed harmless enough, but the longer their conversation went on, the less certain he was. Actually, it wasn't really a conversation anymore. He had stopped talking quite a while ago after realizing that everything he said just encouraged her. Now he was just hoping she would lose interest soon. Miss Price was, she claimed, a witch. More precisely, an apprentice witch. By correspondence course. And she was trying to help him.

The whole revenge business just wasn't going well lately. He'd been stuck under piles of corpses, stranded on a beanstalk with a giant, magically slammed against prison walls, and threatened with death. Emma Swan didn't trust him as far as she could throw him, and neither did Cora. His chances of reaching Storybrooke and getting revenge on Rumplestiltskin seemed to get slimmer by the hour and his temper grew correspondingly shorter. So when a cheerful, grandmotherly old lady had interrupted his brooding over a beer by patting him on the shoulder and asking what was wrong "dear," his response had been scathing enough to blister paint. Unfortunately, the snark, sarcasm, and outright hostility sailed right over the lady's head, leaving her to pick up only on the fact that he was in need of transportation to another realm. To his disbelief, she had become even more cheerful, dared to pat his shoulder yet _again_, and proclaimed that she had exactly the spell he needed in her correspondence course at home. Nothing he'd said had discouraged her. She was absolutely determined to fix his transportation problem, whether he wanted the help or not.

He'd thought his problem was solved when she went home to collect her spellbook and supplies, telling him she'd be back in "two shakes of a duck's whisker" and not to go anywhere (he swore to God, if that woman patted his shoulder _one more time_, she'd wind up needing a hook, too). As soon as she was out of sight, he'd picked up his coat and walked briskly back to his ship. Just because he felt like having a nice brisk walk, of course; he was certainly not running away from a mere annoying old woman. He had been walking up the gangplank when she'd popped up at his elbow, book in hand. And she'd proceeded to trot right onto his ship after him, as if she'd been invited. He really should have put a stop to it right then, but he'd been confident he could get rid of her without having to physically throw her off his ship. An experienced pirate captain should easily be able to handle one dotty little old lady without resorting to physical force. It wasn't as if she were an actual threat...Unfortunately, the white rabbit sitting on the pier—the rabbit that _had_ been an annoying, loud-mouthed drunk before Miss Price rattled off a string of nonsense syllables at it—suggested otherwise.

Hook watched Miss Price tidily lay out her spell-casting supplies on a table belowdecks, trying to figure out how he'd ended up backed into a corner of his own ship's cabin while she took over. She claimed she wanted to help. If he just told her he didn't want her help and asked—no, _told_—her to leave, there was really no reason she should refuse. It wasn't as if she'd threatened him or indicated that she wanted anything from him...so why did he get the feeling that actually trying to throw her out would end with him hopping around his ship as a three-footed rabbit until he cooperated? A shudder ran down his spine. A rabbit. A helpless, fluffy prey animal. A helpless, fluffy prey animal whose life depended on how fast it could flee from danger. While short one foot. _Like a coward with a limp._ Hook wrenched his thoughts away from that direction like he'd been burned. _Forget rabbits. There must be some way to get rid of her._

"Now then, the spell must be cast on something that can be twisted, like a ring or a bracelet..." Miss Price looked sharply at him, inspecting him for twistable jewelry. Hook froze, caught off guard by the sudden look.

"...I don't wear bracelets," he commented finally, in the long pause that followed. He did wear rings, but if he kept his hand closed and his elbow pulled back, then maybe from this angle they would stay hidden by the broad cuffs of his coat. Unless, of course, Miss Price decided to cross the room and pull his coat sleeve back to inspect his hand. Which she did. _Well, this is just wonderful_, Hook thought, eyes rolling up towards the ceiling in frustration. He looked back down and frowned at the white-haired head bent over his rings. _Pull yourself together. You are _not_ going to be bullied on your own ship by one frail little old lady. She's not even watching for an attack. All you have to do is drive your hook into the back of her neck and this will all be over._ He didn't move. She looked like his grandmother. Well, _a_ grandmother, at least. If he'd actually met either of his, he'd been too young to remember.

"Hmm. I suppose one of those would do well enou—Oh!" she cut her sentence off mid-word, lighting up with excitement. Hook felt his stomach sink through the floor. "Yes!" Miss Price exclaimed, giving his hand a pat before letting it go (_What is _with_ this woman and all the patting?_) "that will be much better."

The sturdy boards pressing into Hook's back reminded him that he could not, in fact, walk through walls and could not retreat any further. "What will be better?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Your hook, of course! It twists to latch properly into the socket, doesn't it? A quarter turn, which is precisely what's needed for the traveling spell."

Hook stared at her in resigned horror. Why did it always have to be the hook? Every time he was captured by an enemy, every time his foes wanted to make his life miserable, the first thing they did was take his hook. Often they even threatened him with it. He understood, really. If his own foes had conveniently detachable hands, he would confiscate them as well, but it really did add insult to injury. And now this correspondence-course witch wanted to start casting spells on it. Regina had bespelled his hook once before without any ill consequences (she hadn't bothered to ask permission, either), but Regina, whatever her faults, was at least an extremely competent sorceress. Not a dotty old witch casting spells to "help" random pub-goers. And Regina had made it clear what she had planned for him and why. Miss Price had to have, well, a _price_, but Hook hadn't the faintest idea what it was.

* * *

**Author's note 2:** "Two shakes of a duck's whisker" is from another Angela Lansbury film, _Mrs. 'Arris Goes to Paris_.


	2. 3 Taps, a Twist, and a Firm, Clear Voice

**Hooks and Hulls**

Crossover: _Once Upon a Time_ & _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_

* * *

"Hellebore, henbane, aconite. Glow-worm fire, firefly light," Miss Price intoned solemnly, holding her hands out above the hook on the table. It sounded like utter nonsense, but as she finished, the hook began to glow. It eventually settled on a bright shade of pink, and Miss Price looked quite satisfied with her handiwork. "Well! Isn't that pretty?"

Hook forced a tight smile and a noncommittal "Hmm." After a moment, he asked apprehensively, "Is it going to stay looking like that?"

Miss Price seemed surprised by the question. "Well, I don't think so. Oh, look! It seems to be fading already." She beamed up at him and he plastered the taut smile back on his face.

The glow soon faded entirely, leaving his hook looking exactly as it had before. That was a relief, although he was still hesitant to put it back on. Even barring the risks of an incorrectly-cast spell, it wasn't clear to him how traveling by hook was supposed to work. Did the spell "know" he was supposed to be transported along with the hook? Or was the hook going to fly off to another realm and drag him along by his arm (assuming neither the cuff nor his arm gave way before he got there)? Miss Price hadn't really given him a chance to ask questions, any more than she had asked if he actually wanted her help. She'd just forged ahead, taking over his ship, issuing instructions, and assuming he'd comply, and quite spinelessly, he had. Part of him almost hoped she was working some kind of mind-control magic on him, so he wouldn't have to justify to himself why he was letting her push him around. Sure, he'd seen her turn a man into a rabbit for crossing her, but he wasn't a _coward_.

Miss Price picked the hook up and held it out to him with a smile. "There you go, dear. Now, to work the spell, you must tap the hook three times, state in a firm, clear voice where you want to go, and turn the hook one quarter turn to the left." She thought for a moment. "And better keep a good hold on whatever you're carrying along with you—I don't know what might happen to anything you drop while you're traveling."

Hook eyed the hook, not really sure what to say. Any time now she was going to spring the catch to this deal on him. He shouldn't owe her a thing for a spell she'd cast on his belongings without his request or consent, but magic-users never seemed to play by those rules. Some practically made an art form of getting their "customers" to accept the magic first before hearing the complete terms. And considering that the most powerful sorceress left in the Enchanted Forest had yet to find magic powerful enough to get her to Storybrooke, the price for this spell was sure to be staggering.

Miss Price tilted her head and peered up into his face. She was still holding out the hook, which he'd made no move to accept. He was just staring at it pensively, his hand on his chin and stump tucked under his elbow. She waited a little longer, but he appeared to have forgotten she was there. Finally she shifted and cleared her throat.

"Killian? Killian, dear, is everything all right?"

Hook finally snapped out of his trance. "Um..." he blinked, trying to gather his thoughts, "I...Yes."

Miss Price didn't look entirely convinced, but she smiled anyway. "Excellent. Here you go, dear," she said, extending the hook again. He accepted gingerly. It didn't burn, or bite, or zap his fingers. He flipped it over in his hand, inspecting it from all sides. It looked and felt just like it always did, despite its previous glow. Miss Price slipped her arm through his and gave his arm an approving pat, "Now, why don't we go abovedecks and try it out?"

She tugged him up the stairs to the deck. It was by now fully dark and the marina was deserted. Hook glanced over the piers, wondering what had become of the rabbit, but saw no trace of it. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one. He followed Miss Price over to the railing, where she stood and scanned the shore. "I think it's best to start out with a short distance first, just to make sure everything works properly. I would suggest that we aim for somewhere on the shore over there—perhaps under that oak tree by the butcher's." She released his arm for a moment to resettle her hat and adjust her hat pins to hold it more securely. She apparently intended to make the trip with him. Hook supposed that could be useful if something went wrong with the spell. While she secured her hat, Hook cautiously slid his hook into its socket. _So far, so good._ But there was something wrong. Something odd Miss Price had said. It was a nagging thought at the back of his mind that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Miss Price slipped her arm through his once more. "All right, then. Three taps, state your destination, and a quarter turn to the left." Hook glanced down and realized that he had a white-knuckled grip on the railing of the ship. He forced his hand to relax. He wished he could figure out what was bothering him before trying the spell, but he couldn't pin it down. Miss Price nodded encouragingly at him. "Three taps..." Hook tapped his finger three times on the hook, and it began to glow, becoming brighter with each tap. "And the destination..." Miss Price prompted.

"Under the oak tree next to Matthew's butcher shop"

Hook began to rotate the hook. Just before it clicked into place, it hit him. _I don't remember telling her my real name._

*click*


	3. Rules of the Road

**Hooks and Hulls**

Crossover: _Once Upon a Time_ & _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_

* * *

The hook clicked into place, completing the spell. The orange-pink glow expanded outward, enveloping both Hook and Miss Price in swirls of color, and there was a vague sense of wind whistling around them like they were standing in the eye of a very small cyclone. Hook could feel low vibrations from the hook humming rather pleasantly through his arm. After a brief moment, the color, wind, and vibration vanished again, accompanied by a very slight jolt, as if the spell had released them with their feet just a fraction of an inch above the ground. They were standing next to the butcher shop, exactly as ordered. Hook could see his ship across the marina. He couldn't hold back a smile. "That is a _nice_ spell," he said, laughing with delight. They'd just traveled halfway across the harbor in mere seconds with nothing more than a twist of his hook. He felt like a child with a new toy. He picked up Miss Price's hand and gave it a kiss, accompanied by slight bow and a playful wink. "Well done, Miss Price!" She beamed, as delighted as he was by the spell's success.

_And it's sure to cost you dearly_, Hook reminded himself. Irritated, he tried to forget about the price and enjoy the moment. Miss Price said this spell would get him to Storybrooke, and thus far, it worked exactly as promised. As long as the price didn't prevent him from killing Rumplestiltskin, it would be worth it. _I still need to figure out what her angle is, though.__ And how __does__ she know my name?_

Before trying to leave for Storybrooke, both Hook and Miss Price felt some tests were in order. A journey between realms would be a terrible time to discover that they hadn't specified the destination quite clearly enough or that the items they thought they were carrying along had been left behind. It was indeed going to be "they." Miss Price was planning to come with him. Hook still wasn't sure why. She spoke as if jumping between worlds was simply a grand adventure. He supposed he could ask, but that would probably force the issue of payment to the fore. If he kept silent, he might be able to defer that discussion until after getting his revenge. That reason had led to the ever-growing list of questions-he-did-not-ask-Miss-Price. He was also compiling a mental list of the unsettling questions-Miss-Price-did-not-ask. His real name and his reason for going to Storybrooke topped the latter list. His name she already knew, somehow. Did she also already know his plan for revenge? Or did she simply not care, because the spell and the trip advanced her own purposes?

A series of late-night tests around the town and harbor slowly began to define some ground rules for using the spell.

**1. Ambiguous directions give unpredictable results.**

Hook first discovered that one when trying to make a jump to "the red boat" across the marina. He'd instead landed in the water, midway between his target and the second red boat he'd failed to notice. More controlled tests on land had discovered that the effect was inconsistent. Sometimes the spell chose one of the possible destinations, sometimes another, and sometimes it dropped him in the middle. On one memorable occasion, his request to arrive "by the oak tree" while in the vicinity of six of them landed him at the top of a nearby hickory tree. Times like those made him wonder if the spell was sentient—it acted up the most when he'd been intentionally toying with it all night.

He'd also discovered that he could tell when the spell was starting to go wrong. A normal jump to a specific, well-defined location was very smooth, with just one gentle tug on his hook as it began. When the destination was ambiguous, he could feel the hook being pulled erratically in different directions until it settled on its destination. The next time he accidentally gave an ambiguous destination, this led to his discovery of the next rule.

**2. The completed spell can be aborted by twisting the hook back quickly enough.**

That was a relief, and substantially reduced the number of unexpected swims he took. The experiments also uncovered another handy twist:

**3. A specific destination is not required, as long as the desired location is adequately described.**

Adding that he wanted to arrive "on land" generally kept him from landing in the harbor, even if the choice of exact destination was went awry. Likewise, asking the spell to take him onto "_a_ red boat" would consistently land him on one or the other of the red boats in the harbor, even though specifying "_the_ red boat" might land him in the water.

The details of how to carry items along when using the spell was somewhat more difficult to determine. Some of it was laughably easy. His clothing always went with him, as did the sword on his belt. Miss Price and whatever she was wearing could travel along by holding on to his arm. His satchel was...more finicky. It usually got carried along, but would get left behind at seemingly random intervals. Miss Price was the first to figure it out, as he was about to jump again after returning to retrieve the satchel that had been left behind. "Wait!" She took the strap of the satchel from where it hung over his right shoulder and moved it over his head to hang across his body. Hook thought back to the previous jumps and realized she was right. The times he'd lost it, he had just picked it up and slung it over his shoulder. The other times he'd carried it along without having it across his body, he'd...Hook pulled the satchel off entirely, wrapping the strap around his hand. He twisted the hook and...arrived with satchel still in hand. A few more tests established the pattern.

**4. Items to be carried along must be fastened to one's person or held firmly in the hand.**

The details of what counted as "fastened" could seem slightly arbitrary, but consistent. Holding something in his hand or wrapping the strap around his hook always seemed to work. At first, he'd assumed that only items he could actually wear or hold could be carried along. The obvious exception was Miss Price, who had merely linked her arm through his. This assumption was proved wrong quite by accident, when Hook made a jump from a rowboat in the harbor to the roof of a storage shed. The spell proceeded normally, although the telltale vibration of the spell was slightly more intense than usual. Hook was startled to find that he was sitting on the roof of the shed...still in the rowboat. He peered cautiously over the edge of the boat towards the ground. _Good thing I picked a building with a flat roof._ He sighed and prepared to jump back to the harbor. He had just enough time to note that the vibrations were back to their normal level before he plunged into cold water. Sputtering as he came back up, he glanced back towards the shed, where the rowboat was still neatly perched on the roof. Hook swam back to his ship, shivering and cursing under his breath. The next morning, the boat was still on the roof, to the confusion of the rest of the town.

The boat was returned to the water two nights later when Hook and Miss Price decided to try tying a rope to the oarlocks and wrapping it around the hook. The next night, after working their way up with several other items and sailing out of sight of the town, they successfully transported Hook's whole ship and nailed down rule 5.

**5. Large or heavy items can be fastened directly to the hook for transport.**

And with that, they were ready to try for Storybrooke.

* * *

**Author's note (also added to Chapter 1):** In this story, Cora and Hook did not rejoin forces after Hook took Aurora's heart. Cora kept the heart, but kicked him out and used the heart to pursue the compass alone. As in the show, Cora stole back the compass from Emma and Mary Margaret and opened the portal. Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan attacked when the portal opened, recapturing the compass and Aurora's heart, and Emma and Mary Margaret jumped through the portal. Thus, Emma and Mary Margaret are back in Storybrooke, while Cora and Hook were left stranded in the Enchanted Forest (Cora doesn't have the magic bean, and Hook doesn't know about the lake that would restore it, because he wasn't with Cora).


End file.
